


lean into the unexpected

by forforever (preciousthings)



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:05:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6032533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousthings/pseuds/forforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin remembers, when he was younger, being mesmerized by the idea of having a soulmate. Seeing his mother’s name in her neat script on his father’s wrist, just there all the time, made him want his own; every time he asked about it, he was always just met with a shrug and the same answer of “You’ll know eventually.” The thing was, he didn’t want to wait for eventually. He wanted to know now. He wanted that name to be there so he could start looking for her, but no adult would tell him anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lean into the unexpected

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! i've finally made my grand return to fanfiction after two years with this lil thing!!! (two years ago i never pictured myself writing about gay fictional mormon missionaries but. here i am) this was inspired by finally seeing the show, having some thoughts, and turning those thoughts into words.
> 
> the title is from a line from an episode of 'the new normal' and shoutout to sydney because this most definitely wouldn't exist without her.

Kevin remembers, when he was younger, being mesmerized by the idea of having a soulmate. Seeing his mother’s name in her neat script on his father’s wrist, just _there_ all the time, made him want his own; every time he asked about it, he was always just met with a shrug and the same answer of “You’ll know eventually.” The thing was, he didn’t want to wait for eventually. He wanted to know now. He wanted that name to be there so he could start looking for her, but no adult would tell him _anything_.

He always knew the name to be a good thing. As far as he knew, the people with names always found their matches, got married, had kids and were happy. It didn’t seem like something that could be so _bad_. One of the Elders in his church had another man’s name on his wrist. All of the other members of the church weren’t supportive, but that doesn’t come as a surprise to Kevin. Still, seeing that all happen didn’t change the way Kevin felt about the names. He’s been doing everything right. He knows that Heavenly Father won’t let him down by giving him an undesirable name.

Kevin turns 16 and thinks he might have gotten to “eventually”. Instead, his parents give him a wrist-guard two days before his birthday.

“You can’t take it off, Kevin.” His mom tells him.

“Never?” he asks.

“Not until your mission is over. Then your _second_ mission starts.” His dad says, but Kevin doesn’t laugh. He’s _crushed_. He thought that he was going to know the person he would be spending forever with. Instead, he still has to wait three years for his mission to _start_. And then two more.

Suddenly, the idea of having a soulmate isn’t the most appealing one in the world.

-x-

Kevin throws himself into his religion. Into being the best he can possibly be. Into training so he can do something incredible. Eventually, his soulmate is the last thing on his mind. It takes a while, but eventually takes the backburner to everything else going on. But sometimes he can’t help but think about the girl (or, um, or guy, he supposes. but he’s not – there’s no way – it’s just something he’s thought about) who has Kevin’s name on her (his? their?) wrist in his terrible handwriting and wonders where she (he? they? he’s going to settle with they) – where they are. He gets used to the wrist guard. He gets used to not knowing.

-x-

Nothing Kevin did at mission training center could have prepared him for his actual mission. His experience in Uganda so far has been nothing short of terrifying. The genuine excitement that had been building since he’d committed himself to being the best, most deserving Elder he could possibly be had just been shattered. There’s too much going on. Turning it off isn’t helping. Nothing hurts more than the way Kevin can _feel_ his faith slipping. He’s _literally_ been to hell and back. It’s barely been a week.

Kevin cracks. He stops caring. Not because it’s easier, no; Kevin’s never done anything because it was easier.  There isn’t anything else he can do. He’s beyond the point of being able to fix things and he hates being out of control. So he cracks.

He drinks coffee. He drinks _a lot_ of coffee. His entire body kind of feels like it’s on fire. Or vibrating. Or both. Coffee is _amazing_. He might have just finished his seventh cup when he eyes his wrist guard. What if he – he couldn’t. He’s not supposed to take it off, not supposed to know the name of his soulmate until this is over. He also wasn’t supposed to leave Elder Cunningham alone, and he wasn’t supposed to drink any of this coffee, and he’s already done those things. He might as well. Just this once, and then he’ll put the wrist guard back on and he won’t think about it until this is all over, but at least he’ll know.

His right hand is shaking as he goes to un-latch the clasp on the guard. This is it. He doesn’t even know what to expect, but what’s actually there is nothing he could have ever expected.

 _Connor_ is the name on his wrist, in a small, neat print.

His soulmate’s name is Connor. His soulmate is another guy. 

He can't help but think back to the man back home with another man's name on his wrist: how badly people had reacted, how he lost friends, how people stopped associating with him altogether. He doesn't want to think about how that could be his future. 

His hand is still shaking when he puts the wrist guard back on. It’s not going to come off again for a really long time.

-x-

They get shut down by the Mission President.

Of course they do, it’s just the icing on the “what else could go wrong?” cake that is Kevin Price’s life. He makes up with Elder Cunningham, though. It’s not much, but at least he has that going for him.

In the end, it’s him who rallies everyone together, because he’s a leader, and despite his complete and total lack of faith, he can still be a leader for these people. They’re going to stay, because they can still make a difference. Everything feels more relaxed, but Kevin is still so on-edge. He thought that looking at the name on his wrist would make him stop thinking about it, but instead _all_ he can do is think about it. About Connor, whoever he is, wherever he is, when he’ll find Connor. He’s past the initial shock from a few days ago, but he’s still working towards trying to accept it. It’s a while away still, but how can he go home and show his parents the name on his wrist and be proud of it? Kevin thinks he wants to be proud of it, even if it takes him a really long time to get there.

He’s alone in the living quarters when a stack of Elder McKinley’s paperwork catches his eye. The handwriting… It’s – Kevin has seen it before, of course he has, but this is different.

He takes off his wrist guard. He swore he wouldn’t do this again until he’s completed his mission, but this is too important to ignore. Elder McKinley’s handwriting is incredibly neat. The letters that matter – C O N N O R – match almost perfectly. He doesn’t know Elder McKinley’s first name. He doesn’t know any of the Elders’ first names. But just based on what Kevin can see, Elder McKinley has to be Connor.

Someone enters the room, Kevin doesn’t know who, but he springs to quickly put his wrist guard back on.

“Is everything okay, Elder?” comes a voice from behind Kevin.  It’s Elder McKinley.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” He lies. Last week, Elder McKinley told him that being gay is bad, but lying is worse, and Kevin thinks he’s both of those things now. Gay and a liar. He supposes he’s always been one of those things.

His lying must be obvious. “If you ever need to talk, you know I’m here, don’t you?” Elder McKinley says.

Kevin nods, swallows hard. “Yes, of course.”

He is totally screwed.

-x-

Kevin doesn’t actually realize he’s actively avoiding Elder McKinley. The not meeting his eyes thing was sort of intentional. The rest of it? Not so much.

It’s been a few days since he’s started this whole thing, all of the Elders are together in the living room and Elder McKinley is talking about something, Kevin isn’t quite sure. He isn’t following the conversation at all. “–right, Elder Price?” Elder McKinley is saying, but Kevin has no freaking clue what the conversation is about.

“Oh, um, yeah?” He agrees, because it’s easier to do that, than to admit that he hadn’t been paying attention. Because then he’d have to explain why he wasn’t paying attention, and it would lead to something he will most definitely regret.

So, he just gets up and goes into his and Arnold’s bedroom. Because that’s clearly the better alternative.

Elder McKinley just walks into his room and doesn’t knock like he usually does. “I’m usually not like this, but you need to tell me what’s wrong because it’s really hard for all of us to work together when you won’t look at me!”

“Elder McKinley…”

“You’ve been avoiding me for days now, Elder Price. Is there something going on? You know you can talk to me about it.”

He really, really can’t. “It’s, um, there’s nothing wrong. I-I’m fine.” He’s lying again, because he’s _not_ fine, he’s cracking under the pressure of this conversation. This, right here, could change everything in Kevin’s life. Cracking and telling Elder McKinley – Connor, telling Connor – makes it all real.

“Are you sure? I just want to help you.”

Kevin sighs, “I’m _fine_. What more do I have to do to make you understand that? I’m okay, and even if I weren’t, I’m not going to talk about it!” He knows he messed up when he can just see _hurt_ flash across Elder McKinley’s face.

“Oh, I’ll just – I’ll see myself out then.”

Kevin makes a split second decision. Hurting Elder McKinley isn’t what he intended to do and he has to fix it. “N-no, wait. Stay, Connor.” He takes a deep breath, and he doesn’t want to look, doesn’t want to see how Elder McKinley reacts.

“What did you say?” he asks, quietly. He turns around. Kevin’s breath catches.

“C-Connor. I said your name.”

Elder McKinley sits down at the edge of Kevin’s bed. “How do you know?”

This is it. No going back. _Deep breath._ “I took my wrist guard off a few days ago.”

“That’s against the rules, Elder!” Connor nearly exclaims.

“I also left my mission companion, drank _a lot_ of coffee, and said the word fuck. I think I’m past that at this point.” Kevin’s hands are shaking as he reaches for Connor’s covered wrist. “It’s okay. Let me.” When he unclips the wrist guard, it’s there, exactly as he’d expected. _Kevin_ in his terrible handwriting.

“You-Your name is Kevin.”

Kevin nods and takes off his own. “And you’re Connor.”

There’s the faintest hint of a smile on Connor’s face. “We’re soulmates.”

Kevin can’t help but smile, because he always imagined this being one of the best moments of his life. Finding his soulmate. This _really_ is pretty great. “I wanna do this, okay? Let me know if you want me to stop.” He leans in and kisses Connor. They’re so close that he can feel Connor completely tense at the touch, but relax as soon as Kevin wraps his hand around Connor’s wrist. As far as first kisses go, it was a pretty fantastic kiss. Kevin would do that again for sure.

“Wow.” is all Connor says once Kevin pulls away. “We’re going to have to talk about this. This is a lot to take in.”

Kevin knows that, but he wishes it were easier. A world where he and Connor could be together if they really wanted to be. It’s not like that, and even once their mission ends, it won’t be like that. “Can we just… pretend? For tonight, that we don’t have to talk about this, and that everything is okay. Tomorrow morning, we can go back to what we were before I dropped this all on you.” He realizes his hand is still holding Connor’s wrist and moves it so they’re holding hands instead.

“I don’t know if I want to go back to what we were before, but for tonight, we’re not going to talk about it.” Connor smiles, _actually_ smiles this time, and initiates the next kiss. Kevin has never seen this side of Connor before, but he likes it.

They don’t end up doing anything other than kissing, and it’s not like Kevin minds. He’s still trying to figure a lot of things out and kissing Connor is _really_ good.

Thankfully, none of the other Elders walk in on them, and Arnold never actually comes back to their bedroom. Kevin can feel himself about to doze off, and he feels Connor press a kiss to the top of his head, and everything just feels _right_.

He’s not sure what’s going to happen tomorrow, what’s going to happen months from now, or when their missions are over, but right now? Everything is really good. A lot better than Kevin ever expected it to be.  

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :)  
> please comment/leave kudos if you liked it! 
> 
> i'm ofspringreturning on tumblr, come say hi!!


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